Comments : The Sea Song

  • 1 month ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I love this tale (or should I say tail haha). The rhyming and flow was consistent, and I liked the happy ending, as I expected him to encounter a siren or someone who would try to lure him to the bottom of the sea. I always enjoy poems with that fantasy twist and who couldn't love mysterious creatures in the sea, especially mermaids?

    Two small things:

    Second stanza: "But as gasped to take a breath"
    - Should it read "But as he gasped to take a breath"?

    Fourth stanza: "Your lifes still incomplete"
    - Apostrophe needed! Should be "life's"

    Welcome to this site, by the way! Hope to read more from you soon.

    • 1 month ago

      by Jessica L.

      Thank you for bringing those mistakes to my attention, it was a late night write and I completely overlooked those errors. I am glad that you enjoyed my poem - Thank you for the kind feedback!

  • 1 month ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Reminds me of the film 'Splash' which I have seen with my kids a few times. Great poem, and well rhymed throughout.

    All the best

    • 1 month ago

      by Jessica L.

      I may have to watch that one with my little one! Thank you! :-)