Comments : Solar Eclipse (NaPoWriMo day 9)

  • 2 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I know you're writing of a solar eclipse, but something about this makes me see it as much more than that, too. The choice of "resigned" here feels horribly final and melancholy. Like there's an illusion the sun had a choice, but she didn't. And the "you" possibly referencing your partner/significant other choosing to walk away. Leaving your life and leaving you in the shadow, with questions. Wondering if there are reasons. If there was anything that could have been done to prevent it. The brevity works well in this, like there is nothing more you can say, and that can be the most difficult thing to swallow. "walking on the shores of the sun" gives me a feeling of intensity, and the fact you are doing it so nonchalantly, like you both are far past the fear and dangers of the heat. You feel invincible. An intimate relationship where the both of you move as one almost, then they are taken away (making me think of a sudden tragedy), and you are left unable to process it, and unable to see a future without them.

    Love this, Star!

    • 2 years ago

      by Star

      It isnt about the solar eclipse as it is, I though the title helps with what I was going for :) Also Im going for a Solar eclipse II for todays poem since the prompt is night.

      Thank you soooo much for the amazing comment!!!

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    This is so picturesque and perfect then bam that ending hits like a punch in the gut only because it's a little uncertain whether they've resigned for the night or resigned for good as in died.. It's definitely questionable and it makes the poem turn so sombre and final.

    Fabulous writing as ever.

    Em x

    • 2 years ago

      by Star

      Thank you so much :)