Comments : Composing Grief

  • 5 months ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    A pleasure as always to read your poetry. These rhyming couplets are well crafted and tell a sad take. I applaud your openness and know/hope your true self is brighter than the man this portrays. I often use past events to dabble with the darker emotions and see where the creativity goes. I like this, it's has beauty and sadness and leaves one feeling bereft.

  • 5 months ago

    by Em

    Hi Ben, the title 'Composing Grief' speaks for itself really and many of us here can relate for when we're feeling any emotion we right, it's just what we do around here and the majority of us are good at it.

    Into the ether and into the night
    I tried to escape and to make this all right,
    But nothing could stop the odorous smell
    Of all that had been and had made me unwell.
    ^
    The opening stanza oozes with sombreness because it is like you're wanting to escape something or someone (just my opinion) most likely the feelings of low mood with the statement 'made me unwell' and if this is the case I love the fact you envisioned it being an 'odorlius smell.'

    Unsightly is life that swirls around me -
    Despite what I plant, I'm surrounded by weeds
    And nothing will stop all the rain as it falls
    No matter the roof or the height of my walls.
    ^
    This is my favourite stanza, not only because its relatable to me and I could have written it myself, just not as well as this (laughs) life really is ugly nowadays isn't it? The second line here reminds me of what my mum once told me 'life is what you make it, you reap what you sow' though I'm sure she got it from somewhere else and it's true because we make our own happiness and we're, unfortunately, our own worse enemy too and yes, no matter how high you build your wall the sadness will come through if you let it, I've come to realise that more so these past 2/3 years... We sure do make our own happiness.

    Swiftly my dreams have deserted my days,
    So all of my dreams are nightmares awake,
    And all of the lakes that were full at the start
    Have broken their banks and flooded my heart.
    ^
    The imagery here is astounding of lakes bursting their banks and flooding your heart but dreams need not be forgotten about, they just need to be postponed dear Sir.

    Strings that are broken, bows that are bent,
    Have left all my music and melodies spent.
    Adagios played - allegros composed -
    Have heightened my sorrow and dampened my woes.
    ^
    It comes to something when playing music is interrupted too as this usually heightens one's mood, I know it does mine, it shows that low mood is on the horizon especially with words like 'broken' 'bent' 'sorrow' 'dampened' and 'woes.'

    I played to the masses - the jovial crowds -
    I played in the sun, without any clouds.
    ^
    Now, here there seems to be a turning point in the piece as in you were playing maybe a concert to happy/rowdy crowds within the sun and for once, it wasn't overcast either but I sense the 'unsightly life' isn't over just yet here although I truly hope it is.

    I sang them a song they all understood -
    I spoke in the meadows, the vales and the woods.
    But now there is nothing, no love or relief,
    For with your departure, I sing only grief.
    ^
    A very sad and relatable ending - grief is so hard to overcome unfortunately and generally speaking we don't overcome grief we just learn to life day by day without the person we are grieving but some days are harder than others.
    Take care,
    Em x

    • 5 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thank you both so much.

  • 5 months ago

    by Keira Pickard

    A well deserved win, Dad.

  • 5 months ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Congratulations, Ben. A most enjoyable piece.

  • 5 months ago

    by Katrynn

    Beautifully written, like a song to me
    Keep up the good work

    -katrynn

  • 5 months ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Ben, this is absolutely stunning and heart rending and a true composition of poetry at its finest. You just have that 'thing'; that natural ability to manipulate our language and showcase it in this beautiful form to extract emotion from the reader. *standing ovation from the masses and the jovial crowds*
    =^.^=

    • 5 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thank you, Kitty. Great to hear from you.