Comments : Indefensible

  • 2 months ago

    by Maher

    Love this - great one :)

  • 2 months ago

    by Em

    Hello Mr D. I hope you're well.
    The title' Indefensible' I guess could be related to many things and people really but I know with this form (obviously I read it before commenting) the title is used as a 'sneaky' last/hidden line although being indefensible means 'not justifiable by argument' is very intriguing without the content as it makes the reader question what is indefensible and the reasons behind that.

    frenzied piranhas
    ^
    To have this as an opening line is one that peaks the readers interest further because piranhas are scary to think about on their own but to have them being 'frenzied' is much scarier. It makes me think of bullies on a playground really and how they feel tough and probably like the 'frenzied piranhas' until somebody sticks up for themselves against them and then their true colours of being weak, shines through because they realise they don't like it anymore.

    tear at the injured shark 'til
    ^
    Now this is what I was saying about previously, bullies do this alot..they see an 'injured shark' (their victim) because they see them as weak and vulnerable so they lookout for their prey and see them a mile off unfortunately but we've got to remember that bullying is a person trying to be stronger than those who are vulnerable and they thrive on the reaction so as the victim to not react or not to react in the way the bully thought they would only irritates them further. We also need to remember that if we have ever been bullied or are going through it (as this can happen anywhere not just schools) that it says more about the bully than it does you as a victim.

    death evades their bites
    ^
    This is a fantastic ending and shows that we have to get better not bitter when it comes to these bullies... I have lived with a bully for too long and lost many people along the way and I'm still fighting now to get my family back where it belongs, it's been a long process but if I hadn't been victimised then I would never have lost them in the first place.

    Well done on this, I say this because these forms although 'simple' to do they have to be done cleverly and you always do an amazing job.
    Take care,
    Em xx

  • 2 months ago

    by Everlasting

    This was my reaction when I read this :(

    Not sure why.

  • 2 months ago

    by Rayven

    This is such a deep poem that holds a deeper meaning to me personally. The title fits for me because no matter what death is indefensible.

    I do believe the first line here could talk about many things however the first thing I thought about was a mad rush at Christmas time. But I don't think that is what is stated. The thought that came to me just now is the LGBT community and how a member is often surrounded and beaten just for being themselves. I liked the word frenzied used here because people are often out for blood especially when they sense someone is wounded inside and out. I also imagine the word frenzied being used for the word crazy.

    These people tear at the injuried and don't stop until it is often too late. Even when the injuried person asks for help they are often brushed aside. That's when others go in for the attack.

    Death is when it becomes too late to do anything or to save the injuried and it see like that is the world we live in nowadays. The only way we listen is when a person dies. I like the way you worded the last line especially the way evades is used. As I stated above often times the only way we can stop the attack is when it is too late to do so.

    I wouldn't change anything within the poem itself, and I will say I love that you spaced out the last line because it becomes more impactful for the poem.