Comments : Uphold - Senryu

  • 1 month ago

    by BOB GALLO

    It is very clever my friend, and I got exactly what you are saying but a small concern here: The second sentence connecting through the "But" doesn't establish any "But." It only establish some kinds of double meaning to the word wall and side which adds a very clever perspective. So I would change "But when" to " Yet then" But your decision, just a suggestion. I might be wrong.
    Dear Walter, this is the second time I am trying to establish a critical- creative bond to your Senryus, if I again sense you do not like this kinds of constructive bonds, I would never bother you again.
    Smartly penned.

    • 1 month ago

      by Walter

      Thank you Bob for your feedback, and I always appreciate constructive criticism within the comments section. I meant to use the word ‘But’ as a conjunction to introduce something contrasting with what has already been mentioned. I originally had the word 'Although' - making that line 8 syllables and chose 'But' instead. Thanks again and your suggestions are always welcome.

  • 1 month ago

    by BOB GALLO

    I am so happy now because I've found a good man. Love you my friend.