Comments : Beware of Their Call

  • 2 years ago

    by Linda

    I love this. One way or another the infective allure can take you even if you think you can handle it. Lesson learned & accepted. I love the stanza setup & rhyming scheme. In my mind it read as the voice of an ageless wise spirit.

  • 2 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Interesting grouping of the creatures: the doom teller (banshee) and the predator (siren) both of which are known for their cry. I like this type of exploration and you have done a good job with it. I would like to see more of this type of work - taking disparate creatures with a common element and developing a blended treatment.
    I do think your rhymes might be a bit forced. For example, deplore is a transitive verb used in an intransitive format. Maybe something along the lines of "won't reach shore."

    • 2 years ago

      by Dino Dhamphyr

      Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to give feedback on my work! I'm glad that you enjoyed my pairing of the banshee and the siren and I'm excited to experiment with more creatures with common elements in the future.

      Regarding the use of "deplore," I acknowledge that it was a bit unconventional as a rhyme and may have been grammatically incorrect. However, I believe that in creative writing, there is room for freedom when it comes to language and grammar. The intention behind using "deplore" was to enhance the emotional impact and create a haunting and sorrowful tone, as it implies a sense of regret and sadness. While "won't reach shore" may be a straightforward statement, it does not convey the same level of emotional depth. The use of "deplore" allowed me to paint a picture of those who hear the cries as deeply affected and mourning their fate.

      Again, thank you so much for your feedback. I'll keep it close at heart as I work on future pieces.

  • 2 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    I like this write something different, interesting and a story telling time. Good one!

    • 2 years ago

      by Dino Dhamphyr

      Thank you very much for taking the time to read my poem and leave a comment. I really appreciate it. :)