Comments : April 5, 2016 Poem (Ode)

  • 10 months ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    I get where you are coming from - the celebration of the renewal of your relationship.
    Yet the short choppy phrases don't really flow.
    "I was logging in
    Facebook I had a
    Friends request
    It was you."

    Perhaps:
    Upon logging into
    Facebook I found
    awaiting me
    your friend request.

    Maybe try combining the phrases and heightening the drama.

  • 3 months ago

    by DarkCrystalbtrfy

    I like it a lot. I've done so much editing in the past ten years I did start to edit it in my head. Every poet has a different writing style and my way of editing may not be the way you intend to have the poem itself come across. I like the simplicity of it and the ease of catching up with old friends/acquaintances. It's amazing how time moves and even though long spaces in-between exist it's as if not a day has passed. Looking forward to reading more.