Comments : A Glimpse of My Wings

  • 8 months ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    The imagery in your dreams, and sharing that with us, is beautiful. I've always dreamed about living near the mountains, and see my future self as someone who would be at peace, and at peace because of nature, too. Love how you describe nirvana.

    "They say dreaming and effort is all it takes to reach anything, really
    Though I've always been afraid of things that depend on myself solely."

    - Love the insight in this.

    Some suggestions if it's okay?

    I shoot arrows as a hobbie each morning after my meditation"
    - "hobbie" ---> "hobby"

    I harvested them from the snowed ground and sew them into a wing"
    - "sew" ---> "sewed"

    "Seldomly I get proud of my poetries, but the last ones turned out to be great -
    I also like to pretend that my lines are art good enough"

    - I kind of like the flow of "poetries", you made it your own, but wondering if it should just read "poetry"? Please tell me if I'm being too nit-picky, this is your piece and your voice and I don't want to overstep in offering suggestions. Also, with the next line, maybe a pause after "art" or some kind of comma? I like to think of any and all poetry as art, and I totally get the questioning of it will be good enough. You have a voice though, and a story to tell, so it will always be good enough. Just my thoughts :)

    I like how you shared at the end the way you're switching it up a bit and writing about YOU, and your dreams, and with the question at the end, I hope they will someday be color. It made me think about the times I remember my own dreams, and that I usually don't think if they're in color or not, but I don't think I remember them ever being in black-and-white. It's a curious thing. Maybe part of you is holding yourself back, not ready to dream in full color?

    Also, welcome to the site! Hope to read some of your other work you posted soon; keep writing!

    • 8 months ago

      by Eros

      The only thing greater than your feedback must be your timing. I definitely logged in today to delete my account because I was ceasing to hope for people to start coming to any of my poems, even though I haven't shared 1/10 of all I have written, much less the best ones in my opinion. So, first of all, I thank you hugely for your comment. As I keep posting, keep coming, too!

      As english isn't my mother language, I'm always open to suggestions and correction, especially on punctuation - I never got into an english class, only learned as I grew up by immersion, so I'm not always sure about the grammar. I'll be editing my documents right away. As for poetries, I did indeed write that on purpose, though, cause I wanted to make it sound like there are more poetic arts than just what my writings, as I also put emotions on other artistic activities.

      Last, but for sure not least, it's awesome how convicted you are that I was talking about sleeping dreams throughout all the poem, but it wasn't my idea - when I talk about dreaming post 2nd stanza, I'm talking about life goal sense of ''dream'' - and that's one of the big things about poems, to have various interpretations and a meaning that might bend somehow depending on the reader's eyes.

      Once more, thank you enormously for your time and considerations. You'll be always welcomed, as I decided to try for a little bit more. See you around, I hope!