I sobbed into my blanket so hard the contents of my stomach almost surfaced-
Grief is unbearable in the way that you can’t control how it affects you,
And my pillow would’ve complained that it was soaked if it had a voice.
It’s a deep, devastating sadness-
Missing a parent.
There’s a deep well of love with nowhere to go;
A hunger in the chest to see them that can never quite be satiated,
Because they aren’t coming back once God receives them.
And it’s been almost three years since the last time I wasn’t alone when I cried about him-
Most people are too uncomfortable to sit through it,
They never know how to handle pain this raw.
So I replace hollow eyes and a fading heartbeat under my fingertips with you;
My face nuzzled into your neck as I breathed in the cologne that dissipates the tension in my shoulders,
A gentle touch of soft brown curls and the sound of your heartbeat-
Instead of my own screams.
It slowed the world down enough for me to breathe.
You slow the world down,
Enough for me to breathe.
And I had sobbed into my blanket so hard the contents of my stomach almost surfaced-
It’s been almost three years of doing this utterly alone but,
I pictured you and calmed down enough to remember that I’m never alone now.
Not anymore.
Not with you.
