Im really like the structure of your poem whether intentional or not.
It seems to make the emotion last a bit longer as though you were coming to a slow end and then it picks up with the final lines and ended suddenly at the end with the lines about the Gun.... Great Poem

yeah, thanks, I actually did intend to have it end quickly like that. The first few of my poems I entered aren't exactly the best ones, but thanks for your comment, I appreciate it. :)

OH yea! That was great! Hats off to you on that one! Oh yes! ryhming alot! that was great! oh yea! goood job

I think is this a really good poem. I especially like how you ended it instantly but still good.

thanks guys :)