Comments : Locked Away

  • 15 years ago

    by Timothy

    I really liked this, Robert! I write similar poem/stories, and I thought this was very unique. One question though, with the last line: "for i will never see life again or bare a man's seed". Is the person telling the story a woman? With the other part about being the most beautiful one, I think it is. Please let me know.

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "I scream at times when it is night,
    but my sounds are away from hearing and my face is away from sight."

    ^^The flow is off here. Try something like..

    Screaming constantly, alone in the dark cold night
    Yet no one hears sullen cries, my face is now out of sight

    "Why did I do it how was it done,
    for I will not tell, but let you know I was to be the most beautiful one."

    ^^Again, the flow seemed shaky here. Maybe try shortening the second line a little to improve the flow.

    I noticed a lot of fillers in this, and I thought that greatly distacted the flow also.

    Apart from that though, this was nicely written.
    I love the imagery you portrayed in here, it was very vivid, and the ending was beautifully done.

  • 11 years ago

    by RobinAnn13

    I like the idea. It's about countess bathory, right? The flow was very forced, I think it would have done better as a non-rhyming poem. The balance was off and there were a few grammatical errors but other than that it was ok.

  • 11 years ago

    by Michelle18

    This is pretty good.. i like the concept.. but the flow is just way off... in alot of places.. you seem to force the flow and the wording..

    its an okay poem..not your best though.. 4/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Jaymes Haze

    Kind of a story, kind of a poem.
    Has a hint humor, and a lot dark.
    You kind of feel the character, and than feel for his victims.

    It's a small rollar coaster ride.
    Specially liked the mouse bit.

  • 11 years ago

    by Blissful

    The imagery here just blew me away! The story you told had me captivated from your first line to your last. Very good choice of words to express your meaning making it an interesting poem to read and I enjoyed it.

    Well done.
    *5/5*