I think it got better as it went along. I thought the first stanza had very short lines, so the rhyme scheme was very apparent and obvious, and it sorta made it feel too monotonous. but the last stanza had longer lines, which made it so you felt the flow of the words, which was great.

Agree with Sean. I really liked the thingy with the sand in the last stanza. Drwe dark images... good job :-)
Aken Sol

whoa. made me think. loved it.

that's really good for your first poem!