When I wake up every morning the first thing I see when I open my eyes is an empty room and it hurts so bad because I know again that you're not there...
So I shut my eyes again, your face is bright inside my mind and you never leave from there and it brings a tear to my eye and a smile to my face just to know that I'll never forget you...
I wipe my cheek and quickly dress just so I can get to school early enough to watch you walk down the hall coming toward me, I wish you'd say something or even just look at me but day after day I grow more invisible to you and its like we never met and it hurts...so bad...
So I close my eyes again and think of when we used to hug and it felt so good and it felt so right to hold you tight against me and I can still smell your hair and the perfume you wore the day you told me you loved me too, and to this day the thought that I never wanted to let you go keeps me warm inside while goosebumps race across my body and my heart sped up because I wanted to hold on forever and then slowed down again knowing you wanted to hold on too...
I open my eyes again and you've already walked past, you don't even look back and it hurts so bad and I wanna scream but I can't, I can't breath, I can't think, I can't believe I believed every soft word you said when I'd call you on the phone and you sounded as happy to hear my voice as I was to hear your's but you weren't, you said you'd call me back later and you hung up and turned back toward that...other guy...
4 hours later we sit in the same class, 12 weeks and not a word was exchanged, only looks every now and then and the occasional uncomfortable glance that always seemed merely incidental, and I stir in my seat as I watch you live out your life without me while I'm writing my last name at the end of your first, something I know you used to do too, and it makes me think back to better days and it hurts...so bad...
Before I know it the bell rings and you're gone before I can say I'm sorry, or I miss you, or I need you, or I love you, or whatever you want to hear from me, please just give me a chance, I'll change whatever you need me to, I just wanna be with you, and hold you, and kiss you, and love you beyond whatever love means, just please, please come back...but you don't...and it hurts...
I sit at home and think all day eyes closed with my heart wide open and the phone in my hand, waiting for you to finally call back, but you don't and it hurts so bad and I can't stand it, I just want to yell out at someone, everyone, anyone, what did I do to deserve this? I thought I treated you right, I thought I said the right things, I thought I was there when you needed me, I thought I was what you wanted me to be...and I'll cry myself to sleep because I know it'll all start over again tomorrow...
