my bad....i keep forgetting its open and she is all...hello?...and i dont answer lol. oops
XD

hahahaaha...!! She sent me a message saying it doesn't work, lol. Silly two of you!!

I can agree with you on one aspect of love, its healthy to have, but to lose, it's pure pain. Its driven me crazy at times, and I think you experienced just a taste of that. I actually went anorexic after my first love broke my heart. It was scary.

But I do want true love. I want it badly, believe me, but eventually, even that will slowly fade and die. Ever see old married couples? They bicker like hell! It hurts, and I would rather die alone than watch the man I love die. Its the way I am I guess. I'm 14 and people my age call me retarted, so you're not alone on that aspect either.

OMG!! I'm as scared as hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My dog is barking maniaclly at the door and around the house. Its dark, I'm home alone babysitting!! Oh crap!! She won't stop. I think someone's there!!!!

~Sierra

ya, i can see where your coming from, but if you truely have love then there is no pain, if you get hurt and call it love your wrong. its lust, its just a wanting. never look for love you gotta let it come to you. and i hope you dont mean wanting to die alone. i wish you die with love in your heart really. i think it is worse to die alone then to see someone you love die. because at least you had love. love is a gift. and that is how it should be treated. i really wish the guy of your dreams walks up to you and ask you to marry him lol . really honestly i do.

But thats just a fantasy that about every girl wishes. It just doesn't happen. I wish it dd, but there's more to a relationship than just attraction. It has to be built. There has to be trust, honesty, security, and pure feelings. Otherwise, you have nothing at all, but a friendship. I know that. I've always known that, but I'd rather sit by the fire someday when I'm old and know that I never let myself down. It would hurt worse if the man I loved died, because I'd feel it was my fault, whether it was or not. I would have cried myself to death from remorse wondering if there was so much more I could have done. I don't want that kind of pain. I have myself to depend on, and that's all I'll ever have until the day I die. Family will die, they'll leave me alone as always. This way, I know I won't let myself down more than I need to.

i wish that never happens to you. its not a fantasy. it can happen. you gotta just trust in yourself. i know your a good person. and there are guys out there dying to meet a girl like you. i mean you freakin rock. come on. love is awsome. if the man you love dies at least you can remember the awsome time you and him had together. love is somehting that is needed in life. you cant just depend on yourself. because if you do an fall there is no one to catch. you gotta learn to trust pple a lil more. but not to much cuz there are sum wackos out there lol. but still love is necesasary in life. its wat heals the heart . i really wish you get a guy who will treat you write and who wants to be there for you. because if you do then you can understand that love is not just something you feel. it goes like wwwaaayyy beyond that. really. i hope you experience true love.

r u aite?

haha hi, how u doin, havent gotten a comment from you in a while, no offense,i think some thing happened to her but im not sure

If fine, but a little weirded out!! Aiden, my baby brother, started screaming bloody murder, and the dog wouldn't stop barking, but I think its settled down. This conversation is helping though.

Nick, your heart is so strong that it beats purely for the purpose of true love. You're so trusting, so willing to find it and I can see that. But you're too willing to see the good in anyone to notice that there is a potential pain lurking there. I hear you say love is worth everything, its possible, but it can also ruin everything. Not everyone will be your spine, they'll leave eventually just when things get rough, like I've experiecned with friends. The second I started cutting, I lost the two best friends I'd ever had in my entire life. I'm broken from that. Its just each time that I fall and crash, I have to teach myself a lesson, to gaurentee the same thing doesn't happen again. Like that mistake with your poems. I'm stronger because of that. I don't asuume, I can't. I have a fear of humiliating myself so badly like that all the time, that I just have to learn, I have no choice.

Love is far too painful than what I've already have had to go through. I spent my ENTIRE summer crying because I don't know if you'll ever understand this, but it is so true! The hardest thing in life is watching the one you love, love someone else. and I did that all summer. I cried more in that summer than anyone has cried in their lifetime. It was pathetic how hard I fell. I can't let that happen again. I have to keep my head about me and think logically about what either will happen or what i make happen, not what could happen.

NOO!! lol!! Mel, you silly goose! We're talking about love!! Its not that complicated. Just give us your opinion on it!!

true i have been known to over trust pple. but everyone has a weakness. but i would rather trust every person in this world then trust no one. because i want someone who can trust me also. love has to do a lot with trust. you have to be honest to the person you love. and that person must trust in you no matter what. i really hope that you find love some day. even against your wish to die alone. i hope a guy will love you so much. always remember that a guy alreay does ok. i luv u lots aite. i have faith in you my friend. you have no idea. i know you are strong, and i hope you only get stonger, but you dont have to be strong in front of every person. let love come to you and let it come over your heart. i didnt leave you when you told me you cut. im still here. i want to be your friend. i want to love you. i want to help.

hey sorry pple i g2g, peace out god bless and keep the faith. i hope you find love Sierra. i love you lots aite.

Nick

Mel, I completely agree.. I'm sorry though!!

Nick, I admire your ability to trust people. I hate it that I'm the way I am. I hate myself for that, but I'm protecting myself that way. I don't think you understand, Nick, I have secrets, if you couldn't tell by my poems, that will literally have me killed if they get out! I was stupid to give someone that power and that person just happens to be one of those girls who abandoned me when I first started to cut. I'm living in fear every day that if i tick her off once more, she'll tell. I know she hates me, Nick, she told me she wanted me to die a horrible, bloody, death. Call me crazy, but that does affect my love life.

I never know if I can trust someone despite how sweet to me they are off the bat. I never know if they will turn on me. All I want, is to have someone, girl or guy, to talk to when I need one. For the rest of my life, who won't judge me by what I do or what I did, or my history or even what i was raised around. Today, people seem to be doing that left and right. I love you too Nick, I just can't fall. If I fall, I'll blow my composure, and that's the most important thing to me. If my heart bursts one more time, I'll have a mental breakdown. You'll never know how strong I really have to be, and how strong I am right now, not very. You're so sweet to try to be there for me, but I need a shoulder to cry on when I can't take it. No one can do that anymore because their reputation is at stake. :*-(.

Hey, Nick, I'm crying really, really hard right now. I'm sure you know that my Nana is the only one I felt I ever had, right? Well if you didnt, I just told you. Well in the discussion board, she insulted me in front of everyone and told me I should be ashamed of myself and that I'm disgraceful. *tear* I didn't do anything, but if you want to read it, just go to the top where it says discussion, click on that, scrolll down, click on Sadness and Depression and when you see a whole bunch of topics, click on the one that says MY Mom Hates Me. My Nana's sn is AngelsNana.

I can't believe this!! *tear*

That was really good lov it, xoxo Rach