i think its good but you gotta learn to use ur grammer some of ur sentence doesnt make sense but overall it's aite

i think its good but you gotta learn to use ur grammer some of ur sentence doesnt make sense but overall it's aite

wow excellent!!! really well written and a strong point! well done 5/5 thanks for ur comments! meant a lot!
take care

xxxLoUxxx

WOOHOO!! that was cool. awesome point. it was like...cool! woohoo! ill talk to you...right now! argh! me!

Excellent poem.
Thats all i have to say...

If i were a spiteful one i'd say that your poem was a disgrace that shouldnt be even allowed to grace this site with its presence, but i have to admit, it was pretty good. All i was really asking was that you look at my poem to see what changes could be made. I really like your poems, i think they're brilliant and i think you could extend the same courtesy to me by offering something constructive to say on my work instead of slamming it in my face when you claim to be a serious poet.
-A

I really liked this. I think we very much share the same views on society and what it has been driven to, and you displayed that all too well.

( you should have seen me when I saw the title, I have a piece called, "this world" as well and when I saw it i immediatly thought, "BIA" but yes when I read the first line i calmed down lol)

^sorry that was completly pointless.

Anyway, I have one or two critisizms:
"Were death can freely run."
Just a minor spelling error, "were" should be "where"
and
"Right is gone, but never found,
for what is really right?"
I did generally like those lines and the meaning proved behind them, but i think you should use a different word for "right" because when it is repeated in two lines it defeats the purpose
*just a suggestion*

my praises:
I loved the whole concept and message you were sending across. you provided the faults and crimes of our world today so well, and proved them with symbols and well written metaphors. a few lines I admired:

"Hope and faith have lost their way.
Men have stolen time.
Women turn to God and pray,
for mens' forgotten crime."
(all too true)

"Talents now, are greater flaws,"
I love the contradicting lines you add

"Sanity is left for those
who do not know their name.
Exceptance is as to oppose
and put good works to shame."
I love those lines.

i also admired the technique you used in stating the same idea in the first and last stance.

overall, well done.

Over all this piece was very well lalid out and easy for the reader to follow.

The stanza of the whole concept is overwhelming and is served with a punch of reality.

I agree with your views of what this world has subcummed to. I think you did a wonderful job in showing the reader not only how you fell, but why you feel the way you do.

Keep up the good work.

--Sher

OOPS: How you feel not fell lol... sry

That was awsome...

Very well written... great form.

5/5

I'm speechless....it's all so true, yet again. You definitely have a way with words...I'm really running out of things to say to you because my words do your works no justice...