Bye

by shellybaby   Apr 3, 2005


My first word to you was hi
my last word to you is gonna be bye
special moments that i take with me
were some of the best to be
though i am still confused about why
i will not cry
cuz i know its over and
i am still looking for my 4 leaf clover

something short and sweet
@copywriter Michelle Williams 2005

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Latest Comments

  • 19 years ago

    by The Flame Within

    haha i really liked this one. awsome job. i think you have good talent. keep it up. nice work. Much Love

    Nick

  • 19 years ago

    by Pianist

    The first two lines are in sore need of revisement. It is very forced, and (sadly to say) cheesy beyond belief.

    Lines three and four aren't great, but you can live with them.

    So far you had been following the AABB rhyme scheme up until lines five and six. What happened there? In one of my comments you spoke of climax, and how you loved that I went up, and then came down for a dramatic finish. When you did not rhyme lines five and six you destroyed your climax (even though this poem is fairly short). Consider revising line six to fit with line five.

    The last two lines work out alright. Consider adjusting both a little to fit in with syllables.

    Possible suggestion for your title could be Four Leaf Clover... instead of Bye.

    It gives it much more meaning and intrigues the reader before they even open the poem.

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