Wow, remind me to stay on your good side. Good job, keep writing.

That's a sad poem! No wonder you feel the way you do! I can't blame you! Very well expressed! Take Care! Brooke!

its worded b/c she is confused about whats going on

hmmm, i'd say the second paragraph is confusing. I don't really understand it. Work on that a bit.
The other paragraphs were okay, but i'd still say this poem needs more work so if you'd work on it more i think it could become a really good poem! I still like it, the idea is good. Keep writing,
Satuxxa

i dont think that you need any help your poems are really good xxx lilkit

do not change. i love it the way it is

Again you scratched the surface of what happend but really didn't go to the core of emotion good attempot though. Take care...

I think you need to be more descriptive and elaborate on what you have because you've told us the outline but you also need to paint the picture, when you use short sentences and/or phrases it gets confusing....make your sentences longer even if it doesn't rythme it'll be better for your readers.... oh and 1 last thing don't try and rythme all the time because it just seemed forced... It was good and it has potential just spend a little time on it...kEeP iT uP:)

I like this redone, very much...It adds a whole new level of quality to it. The content and rhyme is solid and flows well, and the expression in a few of the later lines is very well done.

Really dark...lol...That's sort of a "duh" kinda thing to say...

Anyway, you wrote this poem well.

I think this poem would be better off in the dark sections category. Just a thought. But, I thought it was excellent. I think the way it's a little bit confusing kind of sets the mood. The narrator is confused, and therefore, the reader should be as well. Nicely done.