Story Of my Past Relationship...

March 18, 2005

In tenth grade, I was hanging out with my old friend Rhonda when she introduced me to Dave. Dave and me were friends for about two weeks and one day I walked to class with Rhonda and when we got into the locker room I screamed, “I like Dave a lot.” We started going out the next day. We were together for twenty-one months. But when I was little, my mom had this habit of pushing people away that she loved. And what do you know; I was following in her footsteps. So I broke up with Dave 17 or 18 times in that 21-month period.

Those 21-months were the best times I have ever had. I loved him so much. We could not tell each other that we loved each other. My little sister, Melody, loved Dave too. Knowing that he would be great with children let me know that if we ever had children of our own, he would be a great father. And believe it or not I wanted his children. I would have given up anything, all of my future plans, to have him in my arms.

Whenever I broke up with him, he would always come back, but not this time. I don’t know why I didn’t realize that he was a keeper. So mean less to say that I have lost him. I was the one that chased him away. It has been about a month and I am still trying to hide the feelings that I have for him. My friends have gotten tired of me crying over him and being sad, they finally said that I was taking it TOO far. One of my friends even stopped talking to me… But I just couldn’t help it...I love this guy and I just couldn’t seem to get him out of my head. There are times when I want to tell him, “I’m still here. I’m still waiting.”

Someone that I haven’t even met is helping me get over him. His name is Patrick Wanis. He is the author of "HOW TO GET OVER IT.” Here is some of his introduction for his book.

“Our friends tell us “Just get over it” but yet again we have no idea how to do that. What does it mean to get over it? How do we let go of the past and all the pain and emotional injury? How do we forgive the person who has cheated on us, betrayed us or done some other wrong to us? How do we set ourselves free so we can love and trust another person? How do we reclaim our power? How do we find once again, self-confidence, love, joy, and happiness? How do we regain our self worth and self esteem? How do we get over it?”

He now has a girlfriend that he loves. But I sometimes wish that I could have that “one last chance.” He has been with her for about a month and it is hard for me to live with myself knowing that I have lost the only one that I thought was for me. I find myself asking, “Why can’t he love me like he loves her? Am I not good enough for him anymore? Has he moved on?”

I now have a boyfriend. We went out my freshman year in high school. But I still compare and think about Dave all the time. But now those times are getting farther apart.

I wrote this poem for him but he never got it. So I thought that if maybe you all knew how I felt you could not make the same mistake that I have made. Maybe you can learn from my mistakes.

These walls are crumbling down
Every feeling I’ve ever had for you is flowing back
This sucks because I have a boyfriend that I am starting to love
And you come creeping back into my thoughts…
I thought that I was ready to talk to you
But I was wrong… once again
Why can’t I move on?
Why can’t I be a friend of yours?

So whatever you do keep the love that you have…if you don’t have one, be patient and keep your dignity. Don’t go and give yourself away. and if you have lost the one you love, don’t try to get him back by crying to him and tell him everything that you have been thinking about. Don’t get on your knees and beg. I did and I have lost all my dignity and Dave too.

Maybe one day we’ll run into each other and we will realize the love that we “once had”. Maybe we will try “once more”. Maybe it will work out. Maybe I’ll become his wife and carry his children. Maybe we will become best friends. You can never know the true future. Maybe he will realize he should have given me that “last chance”. Maybe he’s not ready… we’ll never know unless we jump off the end of this bridge. I know that he is afraid to get hurt… but can’t he see? SO AM I!!!

Even though I will ALWAYS love Dave he doesn’t want to be with me. I am now learning how to move on. I just want to let you know Dave… “I’ll be here until the day I die. If you need anyone to talk to or to love you, I’ll be here. I’m still waiting for you.”

May 23, 2005
Well now this isn\'t how it is yet... Him and his girlfriend Leesa are still together and I have moved on too. Ty and I are not together anymore because I heard that he cheated on me... And I am liking being free from commitment!!!