Once again, I'll agree with Nada. Let your emotions out and sont focuse on rhyming. It was ok though for your first poem...
Love always,
Haily
xoxoxoxox

all advice from before :) good start x)

Instead of forcing rhymes, maybe try writing a free verse no-rhyming piece, it may prove to be more your style.

Keep Writing
Nici

Nice try. Keep it up:)

Thanx everyone thank you. I will continue to improve my work. I know that you can't always succeed sometimes you have to fall and scrape your knees, than get back up again. So this only drives me to create better work.

Naima

I liked this poem..i know all about the pressure you speak of :P

Feels a bit sporadic in places but still well done.

ok, well I still like it. I really needed to just start off wherever I landed was a mystery...This is my first on the site so yeah, I love it all the same....