Wow, that's creepy! Good job! 5/5
~Emmy

A challenging piece of writing. One minor poin though, in the last stanza, the line which reads:

'then why is it pointed at you heart?'
should that be YOUR heart?

Still the overall effect of this piece worked well.

Keep Writing
Nici

loved this one. Good choice of words. keep it up. love, Marjan

thanks for pointing that out Nici, will definitley edit that.

Thank you all for your comments

This was okay, there was something off in the flow though, possibly try a different rhyme scheme. Keep writing!

I agree the flow was a little choppy....It was different and freaky but it grabbed my attention and keep it...I liked it!!!

same ^^ i guess but i still love it.
the idea that came out in the last stanza was really brill.
keep up the good work
sam xx

i can sorta relate to this one..

I've read these comments and a couple people said the flow was "choppy" and I totally disagree. I think people think it's choppy because you don't always use the OBVIOUS rhyme which to me is more interesting and unique. I like this...I like that you ended it that way. It leaves the reader wondering what happened next....another nice write and just so you know you got me hooked. I'll probably run through all of these. Please don't be upset with me coonay!! HAHAHA

The "choppy" thing...I think it works very well. It creates the feeling of emotion and angst building up...I loved it. Original. :)

xxx

wow.... poor person! *pouts* it was so sad, but it rymed and flowed great. 5/5 keep it up and thnx for rating my poems

You spelt burning wrong :D

-lyd