What love can do

by TEDDY   Jul 18, 2005


He couldn't stand the silence,
he couldn't stand the tears,
he couldn't stand his life,
After only sixteen years.

she was his entire world,
he gave her all he possessed,
she did the same in return,
They were thought to be obsessed.

Their love couldn't be reached,
Couldn't be touched by any other,
They were all they needed,
They only wanted each other.

From two they became one,
They made each other whole,
They filled each other's voids,
They filled each other's souls.

Everything was perfect,
Everything was great,
Till one damning day,
They were told they'd have to wait.

his parents were moving him,
To a distant place,
They'd be torn apart,
Couldn't see each other's face.

They swore they'd make it work,
Vowed to stay together,
Didn't care about the distance,
They'd be together forever.

he gave it all he had,
he did her very best,
But she still slipped away,
she didn't pass the test.

While he was thinking of her,
she had found another,
she said he couldn't do it,
she talked it over with her mother.

he was devastated,
his heart was torn straight out,
he'd been such a fool,
he should have listened to his doubt.

From then on they stopped talking,
Never spoke again,
While she was with her new man,
he was dreaming of her.

Every day he'd cry,
he tried to fight off all the pain,
But the hurting never stopped,
Just shot through every vein.

Months went by since the ending,
But he only grew worse,
he couldn't accept what happened,
This was love's curse.

It finally overtook him,
he couldn't stand it anymore,
he grabbed a picture of her,
And snuck out the front door.

he walked into the woods,
Found a secluded place,
Kept thinking of the past,
And how he'd been replaced.

Hours later he was found,
In a pool of his own blood,
And beside him they found,
His picture in the mud.

On the back read her reason,
Why he took his life,
What she did to him,
It seemed he had held the knife.

Though physically she didn't kill him,
she tore his soul apart,
It was obvious how he did,
It was from a broken heart.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Aish

    Ok-stanza 11-the rhyming pattern is not apparent-the pattern throughout is a-b-c-b, however in this one stanza none of the lines rhyme-the 2nd and 3rd kinda do-just kinda throws the flo of the poem-dont know if it was intentional or not.

    also, the last 3 stanzas-u might want to look over where you have "he" and where you have "she" and if any are mixed up-i think in the last line of the 3rd stanza it should be "her picture in the mud"?

    and in the 2nd last stanza-why is it HER reason, why he took his life? should it not be HIS reason??? If u did change this you could maybe change the last line of that stanza to:
    "what made him hold the knife."

    and the last stanza-the 1st 2 line are great-although the 3rd line doesnt make much sense in context-i understand what you are saying but "it was obvious how he did" doesnt refer to anything mentioned. How he did what? i think that maybe it could have just been a tpo and you meant "died" instead of "did"-that would make sense-but u might want to fix that up-

    now after all that criticism i wanna say that i thought the story was great-very sweet at the beginning yet devastating at the end. the flow and rhyme was pretty good throughout and a lot of nice emotive terms were used-

    4.5/5 (rounded up of course)

    aish
    xx

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