i dont think ur gettin the feel of what poetry is.... there is no rythym at all.. and althou i do see that u tried to rhyme... u shudnt really use a word to rhyme with its self .. it sometimes works.. but not really here. also.. i see that ur tryin to get ur emotions out.. n thats great... but i really hope thats all ur tryin to do.. cuz i really dont see you winnin any awards for your work... maybe if u read some other peoples poetry it cud help ya get tha hang of it..... i really am not tryin ta b mean.. u wanted me to comment on sum of ur work.. n i cant lie to ya...... i hope this dosnt discourage you.. i just think u need some more experience... n u r sure to get better with time.... take care

*~peace and love~*

Your poems seem more like paragraphs than poems to me...try putting together a rhyme scheme for the next one...it gives a poem more structure....and add a little rhythm maybe so the poem flows instead of just reads....you show some promise but you're just not really getting it right now...keep trying! if you ever want any suggestions on a poem you're writing or something like that than you can email me through my profile....keep trying girl!

xoxo-Sierra Rae

Short but really good!!!!!!!!!!!
~lotta luv~
~britty~