Comments : Trying to be Perfect

  • 18 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    *crys* wow, great poem, hope its true...
    I really loved these lines they had em beauty to them "To bring me high again
    Taller then the stars
    To finally be free
    And wash away my scars"
    This was once again well written (blah blah blah) the flow was good and it was written outta love...
    It was great but the ending was a bit choppy not as easy to read and sorta left me thinking *huh* which I do alot but I think you should make the lines around the same length at the end.

    Good luck with brandy and all :D
    Godd luck with suceeding to get better each poem..keep it up x)

  • 18 years ago

    by Delo

    OMG nice poem... but nobodies perfect... ok skip this bla bla bla

    Now sum useful feedback

    It was writen from the heart but as Lisa said you should try and make sentences about the same lenght... it gives it more rythem and makes it easier to read ;)

    (i hope you think this is "good" feedback) :P

  • 18 years ago

    by Delo

    And btw the end is nice... it's a nice and simple ending... but sum normal sentances need to be a "lil tiny" but the same... i think you can even make a song out of it if you had a Chorus

  • 18 years ago

    by Feline Fatigue

    Very good, but some of the lines need more fiddling with. 4/5

  • 18 years ago

    by **~xoxo~**

    Wow amazing poem.... it brings back so many memories for me..... i totally give you 5/5..... i thought everything you wrote fight right into what the poem was going after.... totally amazing job..... xoxo

  • 18 years ago

    by None

    Well,there was too much use of the words "to", and "where"....which kind of made the poem lose it's value.

    To let our love again ring?

    I think I know what you were doing with this line,although I am not sure it works...I am thinking that you might need either the word "once" between love and again-accompanied with a comma...or some ellipsis dots.

    Taller then the stars

    instead of taller, I would use higher.

    you need to change this stanza...starting of with "because" really throws it off, and the flow is jumbled...

    Because last night
    I re-fell in love with you
    You remembered me
    And I was who you once knew