Excellant!!! I read it twice and could read it again... keep up the good writes bud!!!

Wow, thats all i can say is wow, i don't know how to critique it because i dont quite understand it, maybe you should put an explanation at the end i'd love to find out what inspired you to write it, umm the line 'colours fade from blue' is misleading i dont really understand that but apart from that i think it is a very rich and stunning piece

I liked this very much. You have shown a good use of diction in this piece. Firstly let me state I rarely find poetry in this category that I can comment positively on, so well done. You used intense and gripping words to enthral the reader into the poem, this worked well.
I do not have any serious complaints about this piece, although one thing that didn’t quite place with me was the flow of the lines. They seemed a bit over crowded, because you have fairly long lines and five lined stanzas there seems too much in one place and it somewhat interrupts the flow. But, that’s nothing that can’t be sorted. Overall impressive piece. Keep it up.

Thanks for your comment it means a lot to me

The explanation improves it heaps, im glad you take on the constructive critisism.

Excellent poem, there is such depth to it...It flows very well, and despite of this rather difficult rhyming scheme, none of the rhymes seemed forced...There are so many hidden meanings within this piece of art...To have put all these in without it being awkward is a most remarkable feat...

I am impressed...I will never be able to write like this..

With our head down and eyes dripping wet,
Feeling hasn’t slipped from us yet.

I think the second line there could use another syllable or two, in order to improve the flow...but that's probably just me...

The Last stanza was excellent...perfect finish...

great job

I'm not great with comments, this poem blew me away. I love the flow, and the detail in it :) great job 5/5

Very good poem, brilliant imagery, loved your vocabulary, not too difficult to understand but poignant. I don't know if you realised it, but your use of assonance carried out such peaceful flow.

The only complaint I'd have is the rhyme scheme in the third stanza; you set out this rhyming, and then it's just changed, seeming a bit muddled. Yet, in the end, that's just my interperatation

"A distant drone, or a heartfelt beating,
Omnipresent and ever-repeating."
I loved those lines in particular, omnipresent, gave a God-like feel to this poem, and God is entwined with death.
I thoroughly enjoy poems with layers, I do so in some of my work too, but it's a delight to be able to Bring My Own meaning to this. Nice write.

Beautiful....intense & breath taking... had to read it over & over to understand...
i love poems like this...
5/5
love
amy

I love the dark nature of this poem. It is truly something special. If you get time could u read mine called innocence? Beautiful job!

Ana

Thanks for participating in my poetry contest, but as you can see...I have decided to close it and save myself precious time and from feeling further offended.

Your poem was actually very good. If there -was- a contest, I'm sure you would have been on my top list of winners.

You used excellent imagery in this poem and if I were to choose one I favour more, I would have chosen the whole poem.

Kudos to you, sir.

( )_( )
(='.'=)
(")-(") Arrivederci!