Comments : Here beside me

  • 18 years ago

    by Sean Allen

    Okay so I'll have to say that I really enjoyed this poem up till maybe the 2nd or 3rd to last line. You had a steady, short, rhythmic chant going on, but you break it up nearby the end. You might have been shooting for a finale situation, but I don't think you got it quite right this time. You could try to maintain your rhythm to the end. It wouldn't take much to change the ending a bit, all you'd have to do is rearrange some of the syllables and change a few ways you say things and you'll have a consistent rhythm throughout. Anywho that is my suggestion.

  • 18 years ago

    by nikki

    Well what u tried was good it made an excellent poem i really liked it good job 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Atomic

    Nice, it's good to want to do something new once a while like that. =)

    It sounds like it's a part of a very lovely song.

    My favourite lines are:

    "I love you
    With all I am,
    And trust me
    Ill do all I can."

    Though I think it's foolish act, but it's still nice.

    ( )_( )
    (='.'=)
    (")-(") Arrivederci!

  • 18 years ago

    by Britney

    Awwl well i reallie liked this peom especailly the begining i just think you kinda lost the nice flow in the end but nice job! loved it 5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by *Unbreakable Soul*

    I liked this one is simple and nice
    5/5

  • 18 years ago

    by Little Dot

    Great work. Really liked the flow and emotion put into it.

  • 17 years ago

    by Cindy

    Very well done. I like the way you put this together. Have you tried reading from bottom to top? Sounds pretty awesome also. Excellent job!