Though not a fan of rhyming pieces(as it is hard to do without being cliche), I do like your rhyme flow in this piece.However the last line in the second stanza seems a bit awkward and in the final line it should be peace not piece.But technical aspects aside, this is a very emotionally charged piece and really says so much.A good solid piece.
That is a really good poem! ur obviously experienced! the poem of mine u commented on "A Place Where We Belong" was, i have to admit, one of my worse! can u please check out my others and tell me wot u think of them coz u r one person who actually gives me proper feedback that i need 2 get better! i would appreciate it alot! thanx and keep up the writing..i enjoy it
What a thought-provoking poem. I could really feel the saddening tone of the poem, and the idea of invisible chains I'm sure is something some people can relate to. It was a creative way to describe wanting to let go of life, but not being able to. A couple of suggestions...capitalise every "I," it will tidy the poem up a little, grammatically. In addition, stanza 2, line 4, didn't seem to make sense to me. I was thinking maybe it's a typo, or if not, could you explain that one to me please?
Good work, thanks for sharing.
Well... personal opinion. i didn't really like this one as much as the other one. i think its because of the actual meaning. it didn't make since. i was confused. another thing besides that is when you write sometimes its good to switch the style around alittle bit. the same old sylables and such over and over again get boring.
Excellent, you can really see why you are a published artist. The obvious level and developed finess of your work just puts it above so many of the others on this site. Its good to read good poetry. And good to be able to honestly say that you enjoyed it. Thanks.
Hmm...i think i just read and commented on this one, oh well, you get two! your gona have alot of new comments next time you check. is till love this poem, it gets better with every reading. write lots more soon? ive run out of your poems now. snif.
I am depressed after reading this poem b/c I have been through a "phase" as my parents called it that was just like this! But now I just kinda go with the flow! I do like this poem though and kudos to you on being able to express those feelings in a poetic manner!
That was beautiful. I was about to quote the last two lines of the first stanza because they're so honest and amazing. I discovered as I continued to read that the whole poem is strikingly honest and so real. I'm blown away, this is possibly the best poem I've read in a while. Thank you.