Comments : Because of you....

  • 18 years ago

    by Daniel J

    I rated it 4, which got you up to 2.5.
    I think it deserves more than that though.

    I also think it could do with some structure. Although it's prose, it would have more effect on the reader, as well as reading a little smoother, if this was done.

    Let's take your last stanza as an example:

    All because of you, thats why my heart sings. Because of you is why I live, and beneath the cool waters edge my tears drain, flowing inside the depths of me.
    Because now that the tears have subsided, i can finally see the me inside of me.
    All because, of you.

    Having the "because of you"s in a structured sort of way does leave an effect on the reader. Structure is half the poem. The other half is content, which you have written well.
    Well done. Keep writing.

  • 18 years ago

    by Kelli

    Hey girl dam good poem, thanks for commenting on mine.

    always
    *kelli

  • 18 years ago

    by myshiningstar14

    AWW THANXS YA'LL...LISSA XOX

  • 18 years ago

    by Falling Up

    Wow.. your poems effortlessly portray so much emotion and depth. it sounds like it was truly written from your heart, and not your head, which is what poetry is.. true emotions of the heart. and not mindless thoughts from the head...it was so beautiful and i enjoyed it, depsite the grammar mistakes!

  • 18 years ago

    by aaron c s

    That poem was beautiful! it deserves a 10! so much emotion. i loved it.

  • 18 years ago

    by ~â‚£ading |nspiration~

    Awesome work hun...wow...u just keep making me go wow..each time i see ur poems...I really can't say much about all your poems...cause they r awesome...man...u r among the best...

  • 18 years ago

    by The Poetic Child

    Excellent Excellent Excellent..do i need to say more 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Switchblade89

    Once again very good choice of words...I like it...