What I really want

I sit down and think again,
who do I really want as my boyfriend?
I know who I want deep within my heart,
I know who he is but we are so far apart.
How can he love me when he hurts me so,
why am I still here why haven't I let go?
I know he doesn't intentionally hurt me the way he does,
I wish things were different oh how I wish it was.
I hate I'm in love with someone who is far,
I wish I loved you... You know who you are.
I like you a lot more than words can say,
I still call you mine in every possible way.
I'm caught up in circles... confusion running through my mind,
I knew I'd probably lose you twas only a matter of time.
I'm selfish in my ways for I wanted you to stay,
but I knew you'd leave and you did that day.
Once I found out how you honestly felt,
I knew it was my fault and my heart began to melt.
I'm sorry if I hurt you... I'm sorry if you feel like a fool,
I know what I did was wrong I know it wasn't cool.
I knew I wasn't ready but I still rushed into your arms,
I knew I still loved him but I wanted you and your charms.
I never thought I'd have you; I never thought my wish would come true,
So I took my first opportunity and wound up hurting you.
I'm sorry I hurt you I'm sorry I hurt myself,
I'm sorry I lost out and broke that friendship shelf!
I want to tell you I still think of you all the time,
I hate the fact I hurt you I hate that you're not mine. :(