The things I tell myself to sleep

I don't need him back,
I don't love him anymore,
I don't need to kiss his lips one last time,
I didn't just slit my wrists agian,
I'm not bleeding,
I'm not bi,
I don't NEED him!

I do need him back,
I still love him,
I do need to kiss his lips just one last time,
I just slit my wrists agian,
I'm bleeding,
I'm bi but how did that happen,
I DO need him!

But is this how I feel?