Hunni I think you could really go somewhere with this. It is a good ldea, it just needs somemore added to it, keep it going. You ended it too fast. Write more about the different people and what they do, meaning you have one that is making up a fairy tale, so keep going with it. What do other people do.

"Take me, hide me away
inside all those lies of yours
the ones that tell me I am loved
and ones the promised to cares
Just give me a reason to keep breathing"

Just an example really. You could also get into why you don't want to keep breathing, what is making things so horrible that you can't handle breathing one more time. Just some thoughts. If you end up revising it and want me to look at it again I would be happy to, just let me know. It really is a great idea and I good poem, now run with it and see where it takes you.

-Tainted Mikochan