Excellent job....fantastic flow...Great rhyme...Great Detail..you got the whole package in there...Excellent job
5/5
ttyl sometime
PeAcE
~The Poet~

Pretty good..... but it looks like a WIP (work in progress) not saying its bad but it seems like you could probably get more out of this than you already have put in... With what was in there though you expressed plenty of emotion and played out the story very well

A Suggestion: Find a better way for your 4th verse in just about every stanza... You have the first three verses in the first stanza all at the same beat and about the same sylablyes. Then when you get to the final part it kind of slows it down and throws the beat of course.

Not Perfect But getting there i would definitly love to see how far you could take this poem if you took it to its fullest.

Good !