Fear of living

Ive got a wall built up
i have made it stronger by the day
no one can break it down
try as they may

i am closed up
no one can come through
no one can enter
no matter what they do

i hate being filled with doubt
and all this pent up frustration
i despise having to wait for things
I'm so impatient

stop all these eyes
from watching me
b/c i fear
inside they can see

see my heartbreak
and all my sadness
i don't want them to know
it will soon turn to madness

I'm scared to love
scared to give
I'm terrified most
just to live

what if i fail
and lose what i have found
what if after flying
i just fall to the ground

i don't want to hurt him
or get hurt myself
don't want to open up
i am upset at myself

i cant stand to cry
so ill hold it all in
fake a smile
pretend to grin

i discovered i cant run
from something so near
but i am so afraid of love
afraid to fear!

I'm losing touch
losing all sanity
i don't know how to be gentle
and show humanity

someone please help
show me the way
i need guidance
i need it today