Feelings*

Feelings are everything . . they teach you in a time of crisis, stress, or depression who u really are, how you really feel, and what you really want with out holding back. you may be able to change your words as you speak, but u cant change the way you feel, or the way you think.

but how i feel now isnt the same as all those times before. fights with friends and family, school or whatever else came my way before doesnt compare. Mixing depression and illness with a broken heart is enough to kill someone inside, and im tired of holding back the truth out of fear of how ill be judged or looked at. As most of you know, my heart was broken some months ago, and since then things have progressed downward instead of up. pretending to be happy doesnt work. ive learned that. pretending is what you do when your little when you need a friend thats not there, or when you want to play games. pretending is what you do when your afraid to see the truth in everything else. pretending is what you do when you want nothing but to shut out whats really happening in your life. well ive been hurt and im not going to pretend like it hasnt killed me. Ive been thru the worst type of depression not only from the heartbreak but from other things. and right now is the moment of truth. the moment that i speak my mind and say wat really is true, what really matters right now. im going to say what is truley on my mind

the game is UP . . you sware that you have me. . but u lost me some time ago, you just are too big headed to notice or to believe it. "Breaking hearts has never been so easy" isnt a good quote for your situation. you need to face reality. for in the future all that lies ahead of u is heartbreak and dissapointment. you had a good thing, someone that didnt judge u by looks, faults, imperfections, never spoke a word down on you. loved everything about u despite how annoying it was or how wrong you were. you'll never find anyone else like that in your life. have you ever heard the quote "love is blind. you'll find the one you are destined to have for the rest of your life, and most likely let them go due to the blindness of our hearts, for there is only one "special someone" for everyone, and keeping them is a lifetime goal" i truley believe that u will realize this, maybe not tomarrow or weeks or months from now, but you will. and when you do i cant be so sure that i'll be there to accept you back into my arms. im not even so sure that im still here to accept you right now. you've inflicted pain into me unlike any other, gave me nights that were endless and tears that would fall for hours at a time. i'll always look at u and smile, because in a sense ill always be okay. Anyone that can walk away from a broken heart is okay, and deserves credit for doing so. but ill never look at you without feeling the tiniest form of pain. it may not be enough for me to want u in my life again, it may not even be enough to make me cry, but it will be enough to make me look back and wonder "what if . . "

we'll always be a memorie of your past. you'll always be able to look back on everything that we once were and appriciate it. memories never fade from your life. but people do. and its up to you and only you to do what you must to keep that person in your life. and you will. if that person matters enough, you will find a way to keep them around. its all a matter of realizing that your wrong. until then, i must let you know that your game has taken a turn for the worst, and at this point its not me loosing, its you.

so yes, "breaking hearts has never been so easy" isnt the correct quote for ur current situation . . but ill tell u what is.
"you had the chance, you blew it . . outta sight . outta mind"