Comments : The Wrapper

  • 17 years ago

    by ShadowDancer

    Lol very nice!! i must admit im stuped as to whow you came up with the topic! very clever!!!

    thanks for your comments!

    Ruby

  • 17 years ago

    by Bridgette

    Lmao this is a really cute poem! It made me smile :)!! But great job on this. you did a really good description of it! 5/5**

  • 17 years ago

    by lost_laureate

    Little slip on the word 'awe' but apart from that you did this poem justice...wonderful...

    [lostlaureate - come find me]

  • 17 years ago

    by Natalie

    This was cool! I love wrappers lol They look so cool sometimes. Awesome job! 5/5

    `taleee xx

  • 17 years ago

    by Void

    Haha, I give you 5/5 for originality!!! I loved the randomness of that. It was quite a change from your other poems, and I'm actually quite glad to see it. Reading all those sad poems was just getting me down! lol nah, just buggin' ye.
    Well, it was another really good one, but one line made me stumble:

    All the other wrappers stare in aw as i pass by
    'I cant help it is a beauty i just cant deny'

    If this were my poem, I'd probably put a comma in the bottom sentence. You may not think it does much, but it helps it to make sense and hold a rhythm more accurately than not:

    All the other wrappers stare in aw as i pass by
    I can't help, it is a beauty i just cant deny

    Or you could even do it like this, and add another word in it (which isn't actually needed, it's just another alternative:

    All the other wrappers stare in aw as i pass by
    I cant help it, it is a beauty i just cant deny

    Anyway, feel free to ignore any and every thought I may give you- I just like sharing my two cents whenever I get the opportunity. Like I said before, I like this happier side of you - I liked the sad ones to, but it's good to know you have some smiles left hehe! Nice job.

  • 17 years ago

    by Jessica

    Lmao! hahah! dat was funny! but very sweet! keep up the good work!
    jessy

  • I love this poem, its so cute!! You made s wrapper sound gorgeous!! 5/5!!

  • 17 years ago

    by The Angel of Secrets

    Excellent poem!

  • 17 years ago

    by Melissa S. Masucci

    Lol what an odd poem. You wrote an entire poem about a wrapper to a piece of Fruit Stripe gum? I'm impressed. ;)

  • 17 years ago

    by Lost & Delirious

    This poem is original, since it's about a wrapper. That's a different theme, I liked it, because you gave personality to the wrapper. It's a really happy poem =)

    Good job!

    XoXo
    Gaby

  • 17 years ago

    by Wings Of Flames

    Hmmm different
    original.
    I like.
    thanks for entering
    ~Emah

  • 17 years ago

    by xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex

    There always fighting of who can sit next to me
    ((They're))

    Lol, very nice... Did you write this for that one jingle contest? I bet you did.. ANyways, good job. You're sure to win if you did! (If not, enter!!)

    xDarkSuicidex 5.5