Comments : Together, forever, we shall lay..

  • 17 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    That was absolutely awesome, i really liked it alot. well done, keep writing, love Tara

  • 17 years ago

    by Ashleigh Skye

    Wow this reminded me or romeo and juliette.. interesting

  • 17 years ago

    by Sarah Ann

    Great poem, extremely captivating. Keep up your good work, I loved this.

  • 17 years ago

    by Always4You

    That was sad!! good job though..:)

  • 17 years ago

    by MaSkEdSoUl

    This was....very original, the romeo and juliet original types, but I liked it. It was good!

    "These feelings
    Are driving me insane
    They are taking over my mind
    They are taking over my brain
    Shaking and shaking
    Until I break down
    And cry"

    these lines are very good, I liked them! very well written, ok well take care!

  • 17 years ago

    by Sondos

    Wow this was so good, it was so ironic because just looking at the title, you'd think that it was a love poem and then its so vivid -brilliant

    Sondos

  • 17 years ago

    by Natalie

    Wow. This was good. As I was reading it I never thought it would end the way it did. Awesome job Jessy! 5/5 && Thank you so much for your comments =P Keep writing.

    `taleee xx

  • 17 years ago

    by gemowski

    WOW this has got so much emotion in it so heart touchin. i really loved this piece 5/5.
    u have got a real talent hun.
    keep up the great work,

    gema xoxoxox

  • 17 years ago

    by Lying To Live

    Wow i really liked the story behind this one ...its awesum and well written

    XoX *~CrImSon__TeArS~*

  • 17 years ago

    by Megann Lee

    I like this poem it was sad and very detailed almost like a story, just like how my poems are. I love story line poems I find them intrestinf and what not. I thougth the flow and rythym was right on and I loved the ast little ending..perfect way to end it.. "And as our spirits fly up above
    We each take a look at our pain-free bodies
    We are lying side by side
    The way we should be..
    Together, forever, we shall lay.."
    It was so perfect. Great write I adore it. :)

  • 17 years ago

    by J Lau

    Good write. Painted a clear sad picture for the reader. Good use of short stanzas to emphazie on emotions, but if I may suggest changing some fo the punctuations may add more impact.

    "Now all that remains
    Is the depression...
    The heartbreak...
    The love."

    "There I lay,
    Surrounded by my blood...
    My pain."

    Good write though... Keep up the good work. 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Jen

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!! another amazing work of art from you. I FREAKING LOVE THIS POEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! excellent... again i cannt critque anything because it was far past perfect. more perfect then perfect itself. i absolutely love it. awesome job, you definately need to keep writing, because your so great. 5/5 Much Love, -Jen-

  • 17 years ago

    by Ashley Van Eperen

    Kind of like the romeo an juliet theme, so sad, so tragic, so beautiful. great poem hun 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Jenna Balkin

    WOAH!
    Such an emotional poem! and i really love the words you've used!
    Ypour such a talented writer!

    Jen

    Comment #3