My end

I have pause,
Waiting for the sound of my breath to catch up to the beat of my heart when i soon realize all i can hope for is nothing not even a part,
of a relationship that I've hoped for and longed for over the seasons.
and it seems he doesn't even catch how i weep for his love and his beauty and how he talks to her as if he's known her his whole life and he doesn't realize my knife has been my love and my savior and has shown me relief in this relationship that has never existed in this world of hate or love and all i can ask is if anyone has a shovel so i can bury myself deep below so he cant see my face and how whenever i was around him there was a sense of grace that dwelt within me and as soon as id go home id trip over the notebook on my floor and pick it up and read some of my poems i have writing and turn to the back i have found it, my relief, my friend, tapped to the back i have found my end.