This dark poem seems to hit its mark in a freestyle format

This dark poem seems to hit its mark in a freestyle format

Nice poem, you seem to express your emotions well

"On a last day I've been broken"
sounds like 'a' should be replaced with 'the'
~~~
"Due to the love of a carelessness"
carelessness isn't a noun, it's an adjective, so 'a carelessness' doesn't make sense, remove the 'a'
~~~
In the last stanza you shifted to the third person, and I'd recommend remaining in either the first or third throughout the poem.
~~~
I thought that this poem was lacking descriptive details about both the narrator and the girl. Without details, a poem that should be personal falls more to cliche than anything. This was still a good poem, but could have been better.

As a note, the 3 other poems I am going to read are love poems, which I am unable to do at work. I'll get to them later today, sorry for the delay.

Ooooh intense! Well what can i say but wow! this is such a different take on the run of the mill suicide poems, unique and brilliant

Sondos

I liked the last stanza heaps. It was a pretty good poem, Really sad though. Your flow was alright, but your rhyming seemed a little off. Still a great piece though. =) 5/5

`Taleee. xx.

Good poem 5/5