Not-so-safe haven

To johnny: (i hope you are proud)

i was away this weekend
in a safe haven
where i could escape you
and shelter myself from pain

but then i was awoken
from what seemed like a blissful night's sleep
and in that peaceful morn
you creeped into my thoughts

memories once buried deep
arose unto the surface
kisses once forgotten
graced my lips again

an essence of peace was washed away
as my thoughts of you unraveled
no longer safe from myself
i became my own worse enemy

moments of passion
overtook my better judgement
now the gate to my thoughts is open
for you to float in

is it such a horrible tragedy
that i still love you?
it seems to be crushing my inner being
to carry on this charade

so now in my not-so-safe haven
i lie in bed, fully awake
thinking to myself:
there's only so much that my heart can take