The first problem I saw with your poetry was the punctuation. You have periods where no periods should be, commas where no commas should be. Why, in the first verse there are multiple grammatical errors. Let me know when you have fixed these problems and I will get back to reading this lyrical poem.
A couple of comments... "anything like you do" should be "anything like you did" and "And so I`ll.." may sound better if you have "And so I will...". Other then that, good write. love the emotions in the piece. Keep up the good work. 5/5
That is really good for your age. It had a clear ending that wrapped the whole song together. I felt your first and second verses varied perhaps a little too much in rhythm because verses are played to the same music.
The first line of the bridge "You were the only thing I had to hold on" would sound better as "You were the only thing I had to hold on to", it would be more complete. Also you ended verse 2 saying "You know that I can never,
Move on." by the end of the bridge says "That`s how I`ll move on."... I also dont know what you mean by saying "You`ll always be with me,
And I`ll be with you." When the song is suggesting that it is over, and you miss him... because then how can he be with you when the song is saying that hes not?
Its a good song and I like the flow of it. Keep writing and keep practising!
13 years ago
by Tara Kay
The lyrics were great, i cant sing nor can i put a tune to lyrics, but i tried my best and this was really good, keep writing
I loved you more than anything,
Mistake I won`t excuse.
That caught my eye, as though you were saying that it was a mistake to love (whoever) more than anyting. I suppose in a way that it is.
I can't work out what type of music you would sing it to.
Sad, or sort of upbeat?
Anyway, nice work.
The words of the song were good, if i were you i would use more descriptive words, it seemed pretty plain!!! Its hard to judge a song with out music like hAwAiiZaNgEl said. I could see it becoming a song later in life!!!! It was EXCELLENT for your age!!! I have always wanted to write a song but i dot have enough talent to!! So i admire you for being able to!! The flow of the song was GREAT!! Overall i would give it a 5/5!! Keep it up!!
I loved reading this song. The lyrics were good, but not too intense, which is good once in a while. I would love to hear this song with a tune, I can picture how gerat it would sound in my mind. Well written.
This song is very touching, in ways. Although I really didn't like how the flow had gone, others might. I didn't really like the repeating of some of the verse where it has it in the next line, in the same sentence.
But I had to let you know,
And I had to let this show.
[And so I`ll..
And so I`ll] be seeing you.
It probably brings out a lot in a song, but I'd rather not have it in it. Just my opinion. =) 4/5 xoxo