Almost as Much As Me

I cannot express
how alone I feel.
How naked.
My breath you steal

comes rushing back
because you're simply
not here
with me.

It catches
in my throat.
My brain
stays afloat

amidst all the
worry and tears.
Trying to ignore
my growing fears.

Every tantalizing step
you take, away from me,
I cannot bear to watch-
it forces me to see

that I need you,
though I pretend I do not.
I'm tired of wanting you.
I really thought

I could do this-
but who
could fathom it would be so hard-
everything reminds me of you.

I guess it's some
cruel twist of fate.
I don't want to love you
yet I cannot bring myself to hate

the solemness which is you.
The memories, so fond,
the relapses, so often.
I can't believe I pawned.

the love I have for you
for a trouble-free life.
It seems so selfish of me.
If I had a knife,

I don't know who I'd kill first-
you or me.
You for your haunting,
me for my stupidity.

I'm begging you now,
please let me be.
Your haunting is overwhelming
and quite traumatizing for me.

Please just leave
the small room,
leave me in bed
to my unmistakable doom.

Leave me and my tear-soaked pillow,
my befuddled mind.
leave me utterly alone
and I think you will find

someone who will love you,
love you unconditionally.
Someone who will love you
almost as much as me.