You did well here, and it seemed a little rocky and not so strong in places, but that will come with practice, you really tried here and i loved that about the poem, it was sweet
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I understand what you are trying to say...Put a little more feeling in it, try to make it rhyme, or even non-rhymes are nice, but your words need to be a bit more powerful to have a reader really lured into your work...still, great write! n