My first kiss

My first kiss

it wasn't how I'd planned it

it wasn't living or passionate

it wasn't tender or warm

it was cold and fast

it was filled with apathy

it wasn't a kiss driven by love

it was a kiss driven by lust

it was distasteful

my dream has been ruined

I'll never be able to have that moment again

because a hormone driven male

has stolen it

so many hours wasted fantasizing about it

but all was gone in a blink of an eye

feeling robbed afterwords

that was a special part of me

I was willing to give to someone special

someone who would love and respect me

someone that clearly wasn't you.

[Written November, 21, 2005]