Only one

Now thinking about everything I wish everything were different. I hear that my love for him is in my head, when really, they don't know how I feel.Everyone says that I had it easy, but now i can call b-s. I didnt have it easy.I smile, I laugh, But i still feel the same pain i felt that sunday night. Maybe if i actually had the patience, maybe if i waited until the new day came we could have been together. i never trusted anyone as much as i did with you. loving you was worth the pain, and i knew that this wasnt going to last. i wondered has it really been that long since we seperated. funny, because I still feel that same love i did when i first started loving you. i liked you for 4 years, and i loved you for 4 months. I know i dont have it as bad as everyone else.But sometimes I wish i didnt exist. then maybe just maybe you will see how much i love you.

I noticed that the longer things are, the more people understand it.I wondered has it really been this long, and I wonder if its to late to tell you. I know we broke up early may.But to me. Your more than just a simple girl crush, you were on my mind. from english to reading, from after we met everyday at the park and walking hand in hand down the street, and kissing you while the cars go by and stare. I would give anything for us to do that again. When it was raining and we were walking in the rain again side by side, as i thought it should be.I was thinking to myself. He could be the one. I knew from the first time i saw you at the park, that i would one day atleast be with you. I saw you but you didnt see me.

I miss you, I sometimes hurt to see your happy with another. But as long as your happy. i will try to be happy. I know one of your friends dont like me, but i dont know why he had to interfere and tell you lies, i wish he could have seen how happy i was with you. I wished for you to be with me everyday. when you left for a week. your all i had my mind on. tennis tournaments and matches didnt matter to me. seeing you and being with you did. maybe to you i am just another girl, who you can replace. but to me, your one of those people who made me afraid to fall in love. but then i did. and you made me feel as if i could tell you anything, and made me be myself. and someone who actually listened to what i said, and what my opinions are. you treated me so well.

why would i give up something like that? for someone i just met. when i left him, because i wanted to be with you. I know how you used to be only out for sex, and im afraid you still are. but thats what love is about. taking risks. but you dont love me, you really liked me, now that, that feeling has passed, im just another girl who is a friend and nothing more in your eyes. I pray to god everyday to please just please let him feel what i felt everyday that he wasnt mine anymore. all the pain i went threw, all the suffering and long hours i spent in my bed sobbing. i guess love does hurt, even more than any cut, any scrape, and any bruise. but i feel like its all worth it, so have seen that you cared. It may not be today that i get a chance to let you know how i feel. because when i did. all it had gotten was shoved right back in my face.u make girls fall in love with you. but my love is one of a kind.because i am a one of a kind person, i cant let myself bring my own self down. i try to stay strong. but when i see you i want to run up to you and have you hold me close again. you were my skater boy, you were my world, you were my life.I would have taken a bullet for you without a second thought. I would have given you something better than sex, better than anything, but something that was so close to magic. Because all i had that was close to magic, was my love. and you were and still are, my love...

Jan. 14th 2008

I look back at all of this, and I know see the reason behind it all. I can push forward with my life, and know that I am strong enough of a person. God answered my prayers, and you felt how I felt. How badly it hurt...I was naive to think that till this day, I would love you. So many, many people have came and went. But you were always someone I looked and remembered on. I'm sorry, but you made me wait for far to long. I cant love you like you love me now.