Wow this is a great poem , you have a talent and the rhytm was great and i love the message great piece

btw thanks for the comments

Geneross

Very original poem here...
Nicely done.
Keep on writing on what you feel and like

God Bless!

I love, love, love your words. (loads favourites). I can't discribe the pleasure I felt without getting banned off the site lol
You ROCK Audrey

Yeah job well done...its great 5/5

Don't quite grasp what its explaining! but thought it was worth a 5 anyway!

This really has an interesting sound. i had to read it outloud a few times to actually get the flow right. great work.. keep it up for sure.

Wow. I feel the same as Esther. Lol. I have no idea about what it's explaining. In the beginning, it sounded like you were talking about sniffing drugs, or something, and then you kind of lost me at the 'pull snap, pull snap' part lol. But I loved it anyways. =P Great flow, and words were wonderfully placed. Great piece! =) 5/5 xoxo

Samantha

Theres two people in the piece and it doesnt have anything to do with drugs.

"smoke rises and falls around me like a shroud
inhale, exhale, pause, and repeat"

The girls smoking a cigarrette

"look into your eyes, lifeless and pale
look in the mirror and see the same"

self explanitory; herein enters the second person.

"broken, missing, alone, or not seeing
highs become lows, lows fall away
look around for the feeling
for the breath of fresh air
watch the smoke slowly disappear"

this is a brief description of who she is/where she is in life.

"maybe I should be crying
begging the forgiveness that isnt there
maybe I should be angry, maybe I should care"

shes thinking about how she should feel something but doesnt

"1 2 3 4 counting the stains upon the wall
5 6 7 8 counting the things ive done that taint"

she doesnt want to be there in that situation, and its basically expressing anywhere but here

"pull and snap, pull and snap
rubber meets skin and helps to distract
welts rise ugly and bleeding
pull and snap, pull and snap
rub my head, and pull my hair"

thats what shes actually doing

"hands brush gently down my face"

there he is again, a backround, not the main picture

"throat aches and lips are cracked and peeling
I lick and bite down, enjoying the feeling"

She gives in to physical sensation being better than no sensation.

Overall its a poem about self hatred and disgust.

"pull and snap, pull and snap
rubber meets skin and helps to distract
welts rise ugly and bleeding
pull and snap, pull and snap
rub my head, and pull my hair"

Shes pulling a hair tie back and letting it hit her wrist so repetitevely that she has welts on her arm that are beginning to bleed

Thats a nice poem! it was well written keep it up!