Comments : For the Unheard Wishes

  • 17 years ago

    by Kristina

    Wow this is really sad and it's full with so much emotion. excellent job on it. you are so talented. keep writing 5/5

    ~Kristina

  • 17 years ago

    by Void

    Firstly, I want to say that your write for my contest was so beautiful and so rediculously close to first place, that I'm probably going to give you 4 or 5 comments anyway - though I do have limited time so I hope you can be patient with me. Anyway, the only reason you didn't win, was unfortunately just because poems with deep emotion sway me automatically. Words are only words, but if a writer is good enough to use those words to pour their heartache (or perhaps whatever made their heart) into my eyes as I read, it's like an automatic kudos. The poem that you wrote for my contest was beautiful, and with more depth than I ever thought I'd find. It was mysterious, and painted pictures with every letter... So really, you do hold a first place prize for me - it was simply that your descriptions and depth can sometimes take away from the emotion...
    As I found out from this poem here, that is not the case and you really are capable of so much. Infact, I can honestly say that I am only a novice writer, and you have a talent that people can only hope to simply witness. Your write was heartbreaking, and I believe that there is not a person in this world that wouldn't appreciate or relate with in some way the last stanza... I feel that even the strongest of us get tired sometimes, and praying to God doesn't always seem to help. You justified your thoughts for that, and then finalized your poem with an image and a thought to leave your reader.
    Over all, I only have kudos for you for this particular write.
    However, I looked very hard to see if I could find something to criticise about (and let that say something: I had to Look and Try to find one!) And all I could find was simply a spelling mistake. -And spelling is normally nothing but a silly typo, so it doesn't really matter, but I thought you'd like to know:

    We 'breath' your cursed name

    Without the 'e' on the end of that word, it says the passed tense of breathing : A Breath!...
    I used to always get these two confused, but finally I trained myself to realize that when there's a silent vowel on the end of a word, it usually just makes the word itself seem softer... Like 'breath' has the abrupt stop of 'th'... 'breathe' flows like, well, like you're breathing...
    Anyways, I'm sure that's enough words for you by now. Excellent writing. I'll be back to leave some more.