Dying To Break The Silence

It frustrates me so
That there's so much I feel,
And yet can't find the exact words
For those feelings I wish to reveal.

Why is it so hard
For me to explain,
How I feel about things with you
All the hurt and the pain.

I know it's hard for you too
Having to sit there and wait,
For me to say something
So the uncomfortable silence can break.

I know how I feel
About things that have occured.
But what I so desparetly wish to say
I just can't seem to put into words.

I wish to tell you about this
I wish to tell you about that.
Oh why can't I be again
Where I once was at?

Maybe I'm just afraid
Of your reactions to what I'll say.
I fear the words I'll speak
Will only drive you father away.

I don't choose to feel the things I do
For if I did then I'd be more than okay.
But based on what I desire vs. what I see
I can't help but loose my way.

It kills me that I'm afraid
To open up to you once again.
I try so hard, I really do
For I want us to never end.

I will reveal to you I swear
All that dwells within.
Just please make sure you listen
For when I do, I'll need you to fully comprehend.

God this is unbearable!
I don't think I can handle it.
I want to talk and I want you to know
But it feels as if I'll just ruin it.

I'm afraid of what you'll say
I'm afraid of what you'll call me.
I'm afraid that I'll just be proving you right
That I am just a dramatic cry-baby.

These suppressed feelings and thoughts
Are slowly killing me each day,
Because they are always there
My smile slowly begins to fade.

I'm sorry for letting you down
I'm sorry for disappointing you.
How could something that can be so easy
Actually be tearing me in two?

I know what I feel
But yet don't know how to say it.
Please be patient and kind
For I promise you I will not quit.

- Stefanie, 2006