Comments : Hold Back Those Tears.......

  • 16 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I didn't really like the ryhme scheme of this poem to be honest with you. I think you should of made the stanzas of 4 lines instead of 3 so therefor you could change the ryhme so aabb or abab. In the fourth stanza you ryhmed the 1st and 2nd line with the word "me" you should really change this word to something else. I understand that this poem is about not wanting a girl to cry im guessing that its her conseious talking to her telling her not to cry? if not i'd really like to know what it is. I really did like where u were going with this poem i think u have a creative mind and if u used it well you would produce some pretty amazing poetry! Keep writing though~mel

  • 16 years ago

    by Dave

    Wow what can be said it was incredibel well done exclent timeing great rhyme and well very very sad

  • Thank you. I actually JUST read yours, saw your forum post and looked at that "Linger" poem.. I enjoyed that one alot. =) Thanks for the comments. I added you to my favorites already.

  • 16 years ago

    by Nikki

    Good!

  • 16 years ago

    by jason

    5/5 from me id give you a better comment but busy at the moment familey stuff

  • 16 years ago

    by N J Thornton

    Hmm I wasn't so keen on this one, it seemed a bit melodramatic and overused subject wise.
    I think the ellipsis usage in this was a little too much, maybe you could drop some for regular commas or fullstops (periods.)
    Also, on the third line "closest" and "near" are pleonasms so you don't really need both of those. It makes me think you only used "near" to make it rhyme... Forced rhyme isn't good in poetry.
    Sorry I couldn't be more positive. This wasn't really my kind of poem.

  • 16 years ago

    by Teria

    Okay, I don't totally agree with this poem.
    But, it's good and comes from the heart. :]
    Once again, I think that you should use more periods, commas and such, less "...", they didn't quite go with this poem.
    You did a great job, though.
    Keep it up, sweetie. :]
    4/5