Comments : Nightmares

  • 17 years ago

    by LithiumSacrifice

    *urg god i hate my computer i left a massive comment and it went gay and didnt send.. urg*

    ok.. i gave you a 3/5. i did this because i felt more like i was reading a paragraph because there was little flow and rhyme. the odd time there would be but it took a lot away. I think it kinda had a lack of emotion too. on the good side of things, you tried somthing different and people love to read a variety of things and its great you did that. Eventually whatever you were trying to acomplish here you WILL get it. :) I also liked how your poem is very true. keep writting. its bound to work. :)

  • 17 years ago

    by Teria

    Nightmares will show you what you fear
    Showing you what you dread the most
    After a nightmare, eyes start to tear
    Knowing its not true, but you can't help it

    --------------------------------------------------
    First line: You should only use the word you one time.
    "Nightmares will show what you fear"
    Third line: No comma after nightmare.
    Entire Stanza: Add periods, and such.

    --------

    Nightmares come and go
    Some haunt you at night
    And some haunt you day and night
    Making you feel vulnerable and unsecure

    ------------------------------------------------
    Third Line: night is in two lines, same place two times. maybe take out 'and night'
    Entire Stanza: I loved this stanza. :] Quite amazing.

    ---------

    The worst thing about a nightmare
    Is when you try to wake up and you can't
    Finding out that your not sleeping...
    All of it is reality and you have to learn to fight and overcome.

    ---------------------------------

    Second Line: Your.. Change to you're.
    ----

    This was a great poem. Second stanza was a bit rough, but didn't need any changes other than adding periods. They help with the flow, you needed them through-out the whole poem, though.

    I loved this poem. It was a bit cliche. But, it was a good poem.

    Great Job. :]
    4/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Melpomene

    This poem had a few errors throughout it, One you said you didnt want it to ryhme yet the 1st stanza it ryhmed. I dont think it had much emotion throughout it though. If you changed the vocab maybe made it stronger and describe feelings i think this poem would bring the rating up. although i do give you a well done for trying something knew it takes guts to go out of your comfort zone and thats what i've been doing now with my poems aswel. So well done~mel

  • 17 years ago

    by Vanessa

    Hmmm... I'm not sure what to say. The was a lack of emtion, and at the first it rhymed but then it didn't. I didn''t quite understand what you were talking about, and I read it 3 times. It usually doesn't take me that long to get something. But you tried something new, that is hard to do sometimes. I am just being honest, it didn't catch my attention well enough
    but you tried, If you keep writting, I'll keep reading.

  • I love this poem.
    The flow was flawless and the rhyming wasn't forced.
    You are a talented writer.

    Keep it up 5/5

    [Sarah]