Comments : 2051: In the time of the Machines

  • 15 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Hmmm, intresting.
    you made me think and you have touched a great subject.
    a 5/5 from me as you really deserve it.

  • 15 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    Once again, the uniqueness from this poem is what made it stand out. However, I'm not really a fan of the structure. Also, when writing, capitalise your 'I's! It makes your work look so much better.

    Good on you for trying something different. ^_^

  • 15 years ago

    by Marcus

    Man your poems have good vocabulary
    but its like reading an essay not a poem
    It's alright

  • 15 years ago

    by isabel

    Really nice poem...
    very unique, with a subject rarely touched by poetry...
    free verse seems fine to me...=)


  • I truly love the style of your poetry, and like others, it did get me thinking as well. wonderful work, keep it up. =)

  • 15 years ago

    by Chad Picard

    Wow... Plenty of truth there.

    Also, about you're "impress me" challenge:

    "Swordmates", and "Today"

  • 15 years ago

    by Brittney Follett

    Okay before I get into this let me just say I tried reading your poem Chessmate... and I couldn't. I HATE reading a giant blop. You would get so much more readers if you would just set up stanzas. Let me give you this advice:


    I know that you probably don't care. But it shows that you care enough to put the time into making your poem not only sound good but to look good as well. i mean if i wuz 2 talk lke dis da hole entir time. well it dus lok prutty sloppy. Plus a lot of people get annoyed and will flat out not read it.

    I notice you're a new member .. I've been one since '05... and this is just some senior member giving you advice. I'm not trying to be rude, just trying to help. :)

    About the poem.

    Bad stuff first:

    I didn't really feel as if this were a poem. Just like a statement. Where's the emotion? And if you rhyme.. where's the rhyme? Where's the style? Where's the structure? You have no flow. (Flow is how smoothly your poem runs.. in your case I feel as if I'm reading a statement in the news paper.)

    Good News:

    I've never really thought about this before... It was extremely intresting (Lucky for you I read the newspaper ;) hehe) I liked how you tied things together... like batteries and smiles .. That was like my favorite part.


    Tom you have makings of a great poet... When people give you advice at least listen to it. Here's the thing. Most people are butt lickers they will say a poems great just to be nice. But how does that help you? It takes guts to give advice. I care enough about poet's to give them mine. So if someone offers you advice don't be offended.

    I did enjoy reading this :)

    - Brittney Schmelter

  • 15 years ago

    by BECCA lessTHANthree

    Wow.. what a beautiful poem.. i love the topic of this poem i love this part "would it be valid to say, that one could trade inert items for tangible things that only a person could value?
    example:trading batteries for smiles would be business as usual." wow... its kind of scarry when you think about it... :]P

    and even though i love this poem and the meaning of it .. i didnt see much of a flow

  • 15 years ago

    by Robert

    I read about few of your peices and have concluded the two that I have commented on were the best as far as message you could provide. The images were good the flow was abit off but for the most part thier were definate messages in the ones I commented good job Plot121

  • 15 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    Wonderful..the subject is unique n yet so well pnned...n great vocab too...Good work!

    ps:lol...b.t.w..m adding u to my faves..u r poems r awesome!kp writing!