Bryan
Beautiful poem. I would take out the 6th stanza and let the 7th be the last one.....Excellent job!

So she sits and waits
for night to bring the sleep,
in a field of black winter roses
her dreams will always keep.

I just loved your ending. Imagery, word choices and flow were great.
Take care Cindy

Its a nice concept.. you should have spent more then 5 mins on it though but for a 5 minute poem thats pretty amazing...
It was sad through the whole story and you did not go totaly off track anywhere which is something many others do while rhyming...

So this is a good job man =)

Wow, bryan
this is more than perfect for 5 minutes....
again you have showed your great talent through this poem, great job

a 5/5 from me as you really deserve it.

Awwe Bryan this was a sad, yet nice poem... Everyone feels that wanting... 5/5 as always. Thanks for the comments babe! =]

xxCiaoxx

Very good poem, really enjoyed it, keep up the good work. Check on my poems when you have the time.

Best Wishes
Wallace

Beautiful peace of work, loved how you put the dark tone to the poem.

Wow Bryan, such a lovely poem! The name alone is enough to get somebody to vote for your poem, but the actual poem really sweeps you away. Great job sweets, keep up the good work! 5/5 <3 <3

~Loveless Nights~

For a five minute poem that's pretty good my Dear! I haven't read any of your poems for awhile but I can see it has gotten better. Keep it up. =)

5.5

Wow, there's really nuthing else to say, except keep up the good work!! ;)

Wow brilliant excellent what else can i say such a great peace of work well done 10-10

OK, you've got to be kidding me. This is a 5 min. poem? Not bad! I didn't find the reason why the subject is living miserably, specially this line--"Sleeping behind a garbage can." How sad. It makes me feel sad. And I hate it (the feeling, I mean; not the poem). Ok, ok, I have to stop babbling now. I'm glad I read one of your latest work!

Keep smiling!
Debbie cakes

Omg that was so sad!!!.... that was a 5 minute poem?!... amazing job!!...5/5 from me, and thanks for the comment (i changed the title to One Gaze haha)...thanks for the suggestion, and great job again

I like this poem it is good :)

This is awesome, good job you did a great job on this poem!! thx for the comment on my peoms

keenan

That is a really nice poem!!! 5/5

A little overdone. It's okay even for a five min thing but it could have been a little better. The beginning felt the stronger point but it's okay. Imagery good but maybe it can be a little more pointed. Still an interesting write.
~Faith-less

I've been reading through your poems. You're soo talented..
You leave me speechless almost every time.
Keep it up!

Comment #4:
Imediately the title drew me in! That was an exellent choice! And the poem lived up to the title as well which is important. Great job! Definately a very visual poem which is my favorite kind. :)
~Midnight Sun

So attractive.
really such an awesome poem.
so sad yet so deep.
luv ur work.

I really enjoyed this poem and I believe it was well penned. Great job and keep up the awesome-ness work ... Lol ...